So I’d been struggling for a while. Through my whole life really. When I was little I was often called very naughty, or I’d have tantrums, and no one would really know why. I’ve always been made fun of, particularly at school, for liking strange things or being quite obsessive about things. I wouldn’t get excited to do something, I would go very quiet and very serious. I really started to struggle with anxiety and depression when I was in secondary school. I went completely silent and I wasn’t eating. No one really picked up on it, no one really noticed. People just thought I was shy. It continued through uni, it was so hard and I don’t really know how I got through it. It continued when I got into a workplace. I’d always struggle with little things that most people would just find quite easy, or that you wouldn’t have to tell someone to do. I just wouldn’t pick up on things like that.

It wasn’t until maybe a couple of years ago when I really hit a low… it’s probably the lowest I’ve ever been. I had dropped out of my masters course and I just started researching into why I was feeling the way I was feeling, to try to find a way out of it. The more things I saw, about anxiety and about things like that, that particularly women had struggled with. A lot of them started talking about autism in women and how they were often labelled ‘just anxious’ or ‘just depressed’. But then they had struggled with all these different things. The more I read about their stories, the more I realised how it aligned with mine.

So I started to try to get a diagnosis. It’s something I really wanted because it would just help me make sense of myself, and to know myself. So it was a very tricky process. It took over two years.

The first time I went to the GP, she just did not listen to me. She just immediately, before I’d even had a chance to tell some of my story, just said: “No. You’re not autistic. You would have been diagnosed when you were a child.” But - it’s common for boys to get diagnosed when they’re in primary school, and then the average age is more like in the twenties for women. So it’s actually very common for women to be diagnosed much later in life, or to be misdiagnosed as depression or bipolar sometimes. So I had to go and advocate for myself, talking to a different GP. I made sure I got myself on the waiting list for a test. You have the right to choose. That’s the line you use, you go in and you say ‘I have the right to choose this test’ and they can’t withhold it from you.

So the waiting list is ridiculously long. It took about maybe a year and a half or two years on the waiting list. Eventually, just a few months ago now, I got a call saying that I can get an appointment. I was really really scared to have this appointment. I was worried they were going to be exactly like the GP was.

I logged on and I was already crying and anxious and very upset. But the lady that was running it, she was really lovely. She understood all of the biases that happen with gender and how autism shows itself in women. There’s just a few differences that are not picked up on as easily, because women mask a lot more. A lot of the things, like tiptoe walking, it will just be brushed over as “oh well they’re just practicing ballet or dance…” it is easier to cover it up. So she was really nice and we just got to chat - I just got to tell my story, basically.

A few days later I got another phone call and they gave me my result - and they said that I was autistic. I just burst into tears. They were like: “Are you ok? Is this a good thing? Is this a bad thing?” And I was like: “It’s a brilliant thing. I’m just so pleased.” I couldn’t describe how it made me feel, just to be SEEN. Everything makes sense and all of this work coming to this end point, that I’d waited for so long.

I see it as a suit of armour almost, because now if I struggle with something I’m like: “It’s ok, because I’ve got this diagnosis. I know that I’m autistic and this is just me. It’s ok if I struggle with this thing, because that’s just how my brain works.” The diagnosis has helped me realise it’s not something wrong with me, it’s more… just how I’m different. How that’s ok because I might struggle with some things but then I’m also really good at other things. Now I can actually just understand my emotions a bit better - and manage them if they’re not necessarily helpful or pleasant emotions.

I’m strong. I’ve managed to find who I am, in a world that doesn’t make that very easy. It’s a strength just to be able to be yourself and show the world who you really are.

Penny is five, she was just five a few weeks ago. When she was born she suffered a stroke. We didn’t really know what was going on. Penny’s dad was trying to get her dressed and she started fitting. Then they just took her away. We didn’t see her until the next day. Then they took her up in an ambulance to Preston and we spent about six weeks in intensive care.

After the first MRI they said she wouldn’t do anything, because half her brain was gone, basically. They said she wouldn’t walk, she wouldn’t talk, she wouldn’t be able to do anything - but she just proved them all wrong, didn’t you?

[Penny: I can play with boys]

Everything they said she wouldn’t do, she’s just done. We jus kept fighting. We’re still fighting now, for other things, but she’s just gone from strength to strength. She just proves them wrong every time.

It was very very scary at the time, and still is sometimes. You think, what could have been… but we’re just really lucky that she is, well, stronger than we think. She just sort of shows you that it doesn’t really matter what happens. You can fight back. Just because people have told you that you can’t do something, doesn’t mean you can’t. You just look at her and it makes you want to keep going, even when it’s really tough. You go, well if she can overcome that, then so can we.

I’m going to train to be a midwife. After everything that happened… we’d sort of realised what the NHS actually does. Because she was so poorly, I couldn’t really work. So I’ve been cleaning for the NHS for the last three and a half years. I finished my access course last year and I got my confirmation today, actually. I’m going to train to be a midwife in less than a month now.

She’s given me the strength to go: I can do this. She’s given us the strength to go: well life’s for the taking, and just to make the most of it. Now I’ll be able to give something back. All those midwifes, and the nurses, and doctors, you know endless people that have looked after us and her. I can now give a little bit of that back. I think she’s probably given me the strength to do that. I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do it otherwise.

So yeah. We are all strong now, I guess. I am now strong.

[Grandma: We’ve got great grandma, grandma, mum and Penny. So there’s four generations of very strong ladies.]

All of them: I am strong!

I was in the Royal Navy for four years. Basically got sent to deployment a week before we knew we were going to sail. I got sent away for eight months. We went across the world. We went to America, Chile, Bahrain, Japan, China. Everywhere. Australia and New Zealand.

The strength of that was trying to keep strong for eight months. Trying to see the kids again. Trying to see the family again. You know, keeping strong. Keeping motivated. Keeping busy - definitely keeping busy. Obviously, with the Royal Navy you are pretty busy.

I keep myself focused. It’s a bit cliche, but you know when you see soldiers in the trenches with pictures of their family? It’s a bit different, I was in a bed, but I had pictures of the family on the phone. That’s how I kept motivated to keep going and kept strong, because obviously it’s for the kids, for the rest of my family. That’s what spurred me on to keep going, to be honest. Definitely.

Definitely got the same mentality now. You sometimes sort of sit there and think, you know, things are hard… but then I go back to how I was on ship and how times were on ship. I think back to how strong I was there, when I had no one around me, and now I’ve got everyone back around me. So I just feel like I’m a stronger person for that experience, to be honest. Definitely.

It taught me a lot of things about myself and about about my character as well. It showed me that I can achieve anything if I set my mind to it. Set my mind to it. Stay focused. See a goal, and stick to it, and I can achieve it. Quite easily.

I am strong and it feels absolutely amazing.

Obviously when I was diagnosed with cancer, I don’t know… I kind of I sunk, didn’t I? I felt like I was at the very bottom of a big dark hole. I didn’t know how I was going to get out. But I have kids, so every day I had to.

I had to crawl out of that. I had to face it, and deal with it. Deal with looking after them and being a mum to them. While running a house. While living through lockdown. While doing everything. While going through this massive change, because I lost 47% of my voice box. So literally the voice I have now is the maximum capacity of my voice box. That is the best I’m ever going to get.

It was hard. It was a horrible, heartbreaking experience. I don’t talk about it a lot. But yeah. I kind of, I had to be strong. I had no other choice. There isn’t ever a point where I was able to give up. Even on the days where I wanted to stay in bed every day, I can’t, because I’ve got them to do it for. So I did. I did it. I forced myself to be better.

Since beating it (I’m completely past it now, it’s all gone) since doing that I’ve focused on making myself stronger. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I got into running, a lot, and I’m amazed by how much that empowers me. I never realised how much I could do. I do a lot of gym work, so I do a lot of weight lifting. I do a lot of hiking. I do a - I call it a positivity journal. So at the end of the day I sit down for a couple of minutes on my own and write down why today has been a good day.

I focus on the positives in my life, instead of thinking: ‘Oh well, this could have gone better, and that could have gone better.’ I’ll go: ‘Actually, today’s been a good day because of this.’ That personal growth has helped definitely. It’s just stuff like that. I’ve forced myself to change my mindset, into a positive mindset.

It has massively defined the way I look at my life now. It’s all been worth it for where I’m at now. I am. I’m strong - and I’m stronger because of what I’ve overcome, I know that.

When I was 3 I had retinoblastoma, which is cancer in the eye, in the retina. It was 1996 or 97, so we didn’t have the technology, as we have now, back then. So basically, I just had my eye whipped out. I’ve had an artificial eye for the best part of 27 years now.

Growing up it was hard because I was bullied a lot with it. I struggled a lot, mental health wise. Really struggled. The majority of it was name calling, but you know when you’re told something over and over, it gets in your head doesn’t it, and you start believing stuff, you know. I ended up with an eating disorder. I ended up self harming. Other stuff… but that’s how I ended up at therapy. It’s just name calling, why am I seeing someone for this? But you don’t realise the effects it has on you until you start talking.

I had therapy, counselling, all that sort of fun stuff. It wasn’t until I started talking to therapists that I realised… you know, the eye doesn’t define me. You find yourself. You do. You know there’s a way to find yourself when you start talking. I always preach mental health, go and talk to someone. Massively. You find yourself with it. You learn yourself and then you’ve kind of got to grit your teeth, and pull your pants up, and be like: Right, come on.

I still have my moments. I still have mental health problems - but - there have been times when I couldn’t leave the house, and now I’m just like: let’s go on a day out? Come on pal, let’s go. I still have my down days, but other days I’m just sat there and I’m like: I’m me… this is me.

Even now (it’s my birthday at the weekend) I’m 30 and I still get people giving comments and I’m like: come on, you’re the same age as me. Come on. We’re not in school anymore - and it says more about them than it does about me. I am strong - and it means everything to me cos it shows how far I’ve come in life.

I have three kids of my own. Then I split from my partner and then I’ve got three step kids now. All varying ages. Two families coming together can be awkward in itself. There’s no right or wrong to being a parent as such. People always believe that they’re not doing their best, or that they could do more. But, as long as you put your all into it and your effort, that’s all you can do really. So, as long as they’re happy, that’s the main thing.

It’s taken a few years but we got there in the end. They all get on pretty well now, so it’s not too bad… Not too bad, because we make sure that we make enough time for each other, as well as the kids. It’s hard at times, but you’ve got to be strong to make your way through it, I suppose.

I’m pretty happy in the end. I feel like I’ve accomplished something, but it’s had a lot of ups and downs along the way and it has been hard work. So yeah. I am strong.

M: 14 years ago I had a stroke. He married me… How many years?

W: 46 years ago now.

M: Yes.

W: We were courting 10 years before that. It’s a long time.

M: He still looks after me.

W: You had your stroke on the 23rd of December, 14 years ago, and I do everything.

M: EVERYTHING. He washes me. Meals. Everything that’s needed. [Laughs]

W: Shower her and everything. I should have been a nurse.

M: [Laughs] Oh yes - but we are happy.

W: Occasionally no…

M: [Laughs] Well occasionally he gets fed up with me.

W: I do get her a bit fed up sometimes. She’s a right bossy devil, she just tells me what to do all the time.

M: [Laughs] Oh dear. I have to joke and laugh at me. I know I can be useless at times. He has nobody to help him. No.

W: We have a carer who comes in on a Friday. Friday morning. To get her because she goes to the day centre. That gives me a little bit of respite. I need it.

But she likes to have a run out every day. We usually go down the coast road, down to Rowe’s and have ice cream and whatever.

M: Or Morcambe. Or Lancaster.

W: I’ve just got to keep going haven’t I? That’s basically it. If I give up, she’s… I don’t know what would happen to Maureen.

So I’ve just got to keep my strength up and look after her. I’ve been doing it for quite a while now.

I’m very strong. We both are. You should never give up. You just carry on. That’s the strength, isn’t it. Carrying on.

Being a single mum is not easy. Being a single mum and studying - going to uni and having a two year old child, when you have no support from family or your ex-partner or anybody… it’s a woman’s strength. Anything is possible if you put your heart and your mind to it.

With my personal experience, I’ve been through this and I know what I am talking about. There was this situation, there was this phase in life, where I thought it was the end to everything. But then looking at my child, who was just two years old, looking up to me… thinking about her future got me stronger day by day. There were situations where I thought I should just give up on it, because it was too difficult when it came to uni, with my personal life, with my child. But for me it was about her future. Even though it was an eighteen month nursing program, the most difficult task… It was her future that I thought of and it was her that helped me get through this phase.

That’s one strength I can never forget. That’s something that kept me going.

Still today my daughter looks up to me and she knows somewhere that her mother is strong - and she is as strong as me, even though she is just seven years old. She is an independent child, she can do everything on her own. Even when it comes to cooking, yes, she knows the recipes. I am proud of her and I am proud of myself, for how far I have come today. I am strong and there is nothing that can break me.

Well first of all, it was my twin brother’s sixty-fourth birthday, he passed away. He had a lot of problems and I think at the end of it, I think it was that he drank too much. He had sorosis of the liver, he had cancer around his heart, he had loads of things wrong with him. So that really really upset me. Even now it’s nearly two and a bit years gone, but at the end of the day he was my twin brother - and I loved him. So I tried to help him, but my twin brother lived at the north east and we had to move over here because of my husband’s work.

I’ve lived over here, it’s got to be thirty odd years. I left all my family. I had to leave my job. So I didn’t really have anybody when I came here. Then eventually I found a job at Helping Hands, which is no longer in business now. We moved over here and then I got a phone call from my mum to say that my dad had collapsed. He died on the 30th of December. So anyway, Helping Hands helped me to get through it.

My mum, she had a stroke. So they took her into hospital and they did their best, they tried to save her, but they said that if she did survive she would have to have around the clock care. My younger brother, he bent over to my mum and he said: “You alright mum?” And she said: “No”. She said: “I think it’s my time to go” and then she just went. But I was over here and they were over there. So I couldn’t see her. You know what I mean? So that’s like my dad and my brother… with me being here. I felt as if I couldn’t do anything. Mind you if it wasn’t for my husband and my grand children, I don’t think I would have got through it.

Then with my back problems as well, I managed to get to see a doctor. She’s touching my back and she says: “I see when I’m touching your back, your back is going into spasms.” So she said: “just do what you’re doing, you’re doing everything right, I’ll send you some exercises.” So I’ve been doing them, so this is the first time I’ve been out really for three weeks - just to get out because I’m sick of looking at the four walls!

When I went to get some injections, my specialist said I’ve got PMT - Positive Mental Attitude. He said “I can see it coming out of you with abundance.” Like I said to him: either you can sit down and feel sorry for yourself, or get up and get on with it. That’s what I’ve done most of my life. Keep positive and that sort of thing, you know - and keep going! You’ve got to.

I’m strong and I like to stay positive - and if I can help anybody else, just let me know and I’ll try to help.

I have fibromyalgia, which is chronic pain and it also comes along with chronic fatigue as well. So every day is a struggle and every day is different. Today is a good day, because I can get out and I can be with my grandchildren, but there are other days where it leaves me in bed. I can’t get out of bed because I’m so tired or in too much pain.

But the good days do often outweigh the bad days. I do try my best for my grandchildren. I’ve got these two little boys and then an older granddaughter as well who is ten. I try as much as I can to get out. I struggle with anxiety. If I’m in the house and nobody comes to visit, then I don’t leave the house. But if I’ve got the children with me then it helps me to get past that front door and I can walk out.

Every day is different, but you’ve got to find that strength, haven’t you. To try and push yourself - which I do. Some days I can’t, but other days I’ll just sort of battle on. As you do. Often, when my family say “Do you want to do this?” Or “Do you want to go here?” I feel bad because I say “Well, I can’t because I’m too tired.”

I’m lucky that my family understands the fibro, but a lot of people don’t. A lot of people look at me and think “You don’t look ill?” But really - it’s not just the pain, it’s all the other things that come with it. The anxiety. The depression. There’s chronic fatigue. They think you sleep all day and all night, but the thing is, you’re chronically fatigued because you can’t sleep. You can’t sleep at all. I’m lucky if I have two or three hours a night sometimes. There’s an endless, endless list of things that come with fibro that people don’t understand.

It’s these little guys. Honestly, because I know if I didn’t have these I’d be a total recluse. I don’t want to live like that. It’s a fight. I was diagnosed with fibro about twenty years ago. My doctor was very good. Fibro doesn’t show anything, but the pain is real. He was very understanding. He told me that it could leave me totally debilitated and not be able to leave the house. I’ve just fought it, and fought it, and fought it, because I don’t want to be like that.

It’s just been a case of: I’ve got a supportive family and I’ve got quite a few supportive friends, who will push me. They have pushed me over the years to carry on and keep going. Like I say, today is a good day. I feel well as I can do and I feel happy to come out - but tomorrow might be a different day altogether and I may not want to come out.

I think just believing in yourself a little bit sometimes. From being in an abusive relationship and being put down, and told I was worthless, and I was nothing, and I’d never have anything… I look and I think, you know what, I have now. My children have grown up into stable adults and have done well for themselves. I’ve got beautiful grandchildren. You know, every day I just live for them. Absolutely live for them. Yeah, they keep me strong. That’s what does it, definitely.

So definitely, I am strong.

From the age of sixteen, my dad passed away and then my nanna not long after. I found my grandad when he’d passed away. I’ve had a lot of people pass away - but I’ve worked in care. I’ve just found that working in care, looking after people, it’s just made me a very strong person. Emotionally strong.

I work with a lady and I’m her carer. Having time spent with somebody, it just… emotionally and mentally, I just feel I can fix problems, rather than letting anything get on top of me. I’m not going to let anything bring me down. We need to think positive, on a way to go up.

It’s been brilliant because it’s made me a fantastic mother. I’m a mum to three kids and I feel like I can accomplish anything with them. Obviously I’m human and I can get stressed out at times. But working with people, it’s just made me… I’ve got the patience of a saint. I can look at ways to deal with problems, rather than getting all flustered about them. That’s been fantastic with my children. Being able to have that time with my kids and rather than getting grumpy with them for doing something, we can work around it.

I have my children, I have my husband, and family is just everything to me. If I’m feeling down or just overcome by things, cuddles from my family, just talking to my husband… they’re my safe place.

I’d rather be helping people and see the positive in people. I don’t like negativity. I don’t like people trying to bring me down. All my friends, if ever they’re feeling down they always phone me, or message me. They know that I’ll tell them jokes and I always get them laughing. They’re always laughing. Everyone always sees me as the high person that just brings joy to everybody.

I am very strong and it makes me feel amazing. My children actually look to me like I’m wonder woman… so I feel I’m winning!

I’ve been divorced nearly forty years. My ex-husband ran out on me when I was having my youngest. So I’ve always been there for my children, with the help of my family members. I wouldn’t have known what to do without their strength and, you know, “You can do it” “You can do it”.

So they all got grown up, had children. But my youngest son had a bit of depression and just didn’t want to be here. So he said he wanted to go to Canada. We said: “Alright then. We’ll sell our house. We’ll sell everything and we will go to Canada.” We looked at houses. We looked at jobs. I was going to get a job, you know, self-sufficient. We got there, I loved it… but my son wanted to come home. So we came home, to nothing. I had some money saved up, so we bought our old house back, which was an absolute fluke. Then he wanted to move into town, Barrow centre. So I said right, what can I do? So I sold the house again. Bought his house. He’s very happy now, he’s got a partner and a little boy. I moved into a little flat, which I’m very very happy with.

I’m just pleased that I’ve been able to help my children, and now my grand children. This is what I do. I have my grandchildren, every weekend. I plan things for them. We go bug hunting. We do things. I just love it.

Before they were born I thought I wouldn’t ever be a nanna - and that I really wouldn’t make a good one. Because my mum was terrific. She was a very strong lady. She was brilliant (she died too young) so I always thought I couldn’t match up to her. But people say that I have, which is quite nice.

I want to make people happy. If I can, I do.

I am strong. Some days I’ve just got to think of what I’ve achieved - what I’ve got - and be proud of it. So yeah, that’s my story.

I am a mum with 3 small children. When life gets in the way, I have to be strong for them.

When my dad passed away, I had to put all my feelings aside, and stay strong for them… and deal with all my own stuff in my own time. You’ve got to tend to the housework and the children… it’s especially hard when you’re going through something like grief. You feel like it consumes you. You’ve got pick up. You’ve got to wake up every morning and just carry on. At the end of the day, life doesn’t stop when bad things happen, so you’ve just got to carry on.

It wasn’t without difficulty, but it’s just something you’ve got to do, for your children. You know, you don’t want them to see you break down in tears every day, so you just remain strong. Just for them.

I am strong… and it feels amazing.

[Trigger warning: mentions domestic abuse and bullying]

I wanted to tell you my story, because for many many years, things were really rough for me.

I’d been through bullying, all the way throughout my life. Not just in school, but my brother, so there was never any escape and I got tormented and tortured for years. I was bullied constantly throughout school because I was the small kid, I was the quiet kid. I never said boo to a goose, never stood up for myself. So this is something that I put up with for many years. Then as I became a teenager I started to struggle a lot with my mental health, with depression and anxiety. I started to believe I was never good enough.

Eventually I started to meet people, really decent people. Big strong people. Confident people. They used to tell me: “Dude, you need to stand up for yourself. You’re such a nice guy. Why don’t you stand up for yourself?” And… I never learned how to.

Then I’d been through many domestic relationships, that were very poor. I ended up meeting someone. She would end up being a partner of mine, but it was a very very toxic relationship. She turned out to be highly aggressive herself. It was the first time I started to experience domestic abuse, because she used to hit me. A lot of bad stuff that happened through that to me, that I’m not going to get into, because the details are really bad, but… I told myself this was something I just had to put up with.

I ended up in another really bad relationship after that. She was one of the worst mistakes I made for my mental health, because she would always put me down. She herself would tell me how I wasn’t good enough, how I was useless.

I started to really struggle with my mental health. I ended up in the mental health system. My mental health was… it was terrible. I’d completely given up. I was let down by the system as well. The system that was supposed to be there, that was put in place to look after people who struggle with what I went through.

I was crying out for help, someone to help me, and there was never anyone there. It came to the point where I said: right, no one’s helping me. I thought: I’ve had enough. I’m expecting people to care for me, when I won’t even care for myself. That’s where I stood up and I then said: this abuse I’m going through, NO. No more. I’m not going through this anymore.

That was the first time I found real confidence. My mental health struggle was because I never loved myself. I always told myself that I was never good enough, because that is what I was told by other people, and I believed that. Once I said to myself - No, I am good enough. I can do this. I can be there for me. I don’t need other people to look after me, I can be there for me - that is when I started to get better. Now I’m a first aider. I want to be there. I want to be there, for the people who go through what I’ve been through. I want people to know that there is someone there.

Now I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life. Ultimately I decided: I need to be there for myself. I need to care for myself - and once I realised that, I got better. I came through. I became stronger. I got through all of that and I am strong enough to be who I am. I am strong… and that’s my story.

My strength is being resilient and fighting every day. Being diabetic. Working full time. Having two young kids. Getting up every morning, when you don’t always feel great, and just getting on with every day life.

It’s always like fighting with your blood sugars. Making sure you’ve taken enough insulin. It does make you very tired and you’ve got to get on with it - with two kids and working, trying to earn money. I’m so busy, I don’t have time to look after myself really. So that’s another struggle. Trying to look after myself as well as everybody else.

Every waking minute is for the children. Going to work. Making sure they’ve got a nice life. Holidays. Nicely dressed. That they are brought up properly. That puts everything into perspective really. When I don’t feel great, or I’m tired, or my readings are quite high or low - it’s just all for the kids really.

I think you’ve just got to put everything into perspective. Speak to professionals. Just make the most of the time you’ve got, really. Make the most of every day. Yeah, take perspective really.

I am strong. I’m a strong independent lady. Might not always feel like it at times… but it feels good.

I am a strong woman, because I don’t rely on anybody but myself. I’m a single mum. I work hard. Independent. But I always have a laugh and enjoy life.

I’ve lived in Barrow all my life. It’s a small town, a nice close community. I work in a kitchen, that’s also like a small community. We work brilliantly as a team. It’s constant, it’s non-stop. It’s fun. It’s hard work but we always have a laugh with it. It’s not just a job, it’s like a family isn’t it? It’s friends.

I don’t take things too seriously, because there’s more serious things in life to take seriously - not about just going to work, you know what I mean?

I’ve learned in life not to take things too seriously, to be fair, because that makes you strong.

You can be strong doing it yourself, but also be strong as a team, doing it with other people. I really am strong, but it’s proud. I’m proud to be it - proud to be strong. Proud to be independent.

Yeah. Be a strong independent woman. Yeah. Own it.